QUOTATIONS ON LIFE FROM FAMOUS MASONS
"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority
off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more."
- Bro. Samuel L. Clemens (Mark Twain)
US humorist and author (1835-1910)
Polar Star Lodge No. 79 A.F.& A.M., Missouri, USA
"History is more or less bunk. It's tradition. We don't want
tradition. We want to live in the present and the only history that
is worth a tinker's damn is the history we made today."
- Bro. Henry Ford
US automobile industrialist (1863-1947)
Palestine Lodge No. 357 F.& A.M., Michigan, USA
"Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place,
but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at
the tempting moment."
- Bro. Benjamin Franklin
US author, diplomat, inventor, politician, & printer (1706-1790)
St. John's Lodge of Philadelphia, USA
"Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves."
- Bro. Rudyard Kipling
British (Indian-born) author (1865-1936)
Hope and Perseverance Lodge No. 782. E.C., Lahore, India
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell
your parrot to the town gossip."
- Bro. Will Rogers
US humorist and showman (1879-1935)
Claremore Lodge No. 53 A.F.& A.M., Oklahoma, USA
"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points
out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of
deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena,
whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who
strives valiantly; who errs and comes up short again and
again; who knows great enthusiasms, the great
devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who
at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high
achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least
fails Daring Greatly so that his place shall never be with
those timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
- Bro. Theodore Roosevelt
26th President of the United States
Matinecock Lodge No. 806 F.& A.M., Oyster Bay, NY, USA
(entitled, "Daring Greatly")
"I've always followed my father's advice: he told me, first
to always keep my word and, second, to never insult anybody
unintentionally. If I insult you, you can be goddamn sure I
intend to. And, third, he told me not to go around looking
for trouble."
- Bro. John Wayne
US movie actor and director (1907-1979)
Marion McDaniel Lodge No. 56 F.& A.M., Arizona, USA
"Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much."
- Bro. Oscar Wilde
Irish dramatist, novelist and poet (1854-1900)
Apollo University Lodge No. 357, Oxford, UK
QUOTATIONS FROM FAMOUS MASONS REGARDING BUSINESS
"Serve the classes, live with the masses. Serve the masses, live with the classes."
- Bro. John Jacob Astor
American Capitalist
Holland Lodge No. 8 F.& A.M., NY, USA
"I am looking for a lot of men who have an infinite capacity to
not know what can't be done."
"The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young."
"There is one rule for industrialists and that is: make the
best quality goods possible at the lowest cost possible, paying
the highest wages possible."
- Bro. Henry Ford
Pioneer Automobile Manufacturer
Palestine Lodge No. 357 F.& A.M., Detroit MI, USA
"I have never known a man who died from overwork, but many who died from doubt."
- Bro. & Dr. Charles Mayo
Cofounder, the Mayo Clinic
Rochester Lodge No. 21 A.F.& A.M., Rochester, MN, USA
"I will have no man work for me who has not the capacity to become a partner."
"The surest way for an executive to kill himself is to refuse to learn how, and
when, and to whom to delegate work."
- Bro. James C. Penny
JC Penny Founder
Wasatch Lodge No. 1 F.& A.M., Salt Lake City, UT, USA
"It all comes back to the basics. Serve customers the best-tasting food at a
good value in a clean, comfortable restaurant, and they'll keep coming back."
- Bro. Dave Thomas
Wendys Restaurants
Sol. D. Bayless Lodge No 359 F.& A.M., Ft. Wayne, IN, USA
"Don't be misled into believing that somehow the world owes you a living. The
boy who believes that his parents, or the government, or any one else owes him
his livelihood and that he can collect it without labor will wake up one day
and find himself working for another boy who did not have that belief and,
therefore, earned the right to have others work for him."
"Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people."
- Bro. David Sarnoff
Father of television
Strict Observance Lodge No. 94 F.& A.M., New York City, USA
"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."
- Bro. Steve Wozniak
Cofounder Apple Computer
Charity Lodge No. 362 F.& A.M., Campbell, CA, USA
QUOTATIONS FROM FAMOUS MASONS REGARDING SPORTS
"Sport must be amateur or it is not sport. Sports played professionally are entertainment."
- Bro. Avery Brundage
President, International Olympic Committee
North Shore Lodge No. 937 A.F.& A.M., Chicago, IL, USA
"The great trouble with baseball today is that most of the players are
in the game for the money and that's it, not for the love of it, the excitement
of it, the thrill of it."
- Bro. Ty Cobb
Baseball Great
Royston Lodge No. 426 F.& A.M., Detroit, MI, USA
"A champion is someone who gets up when he can't."
- Bro. Jack Dempsey
Boxing Champion
Kenwood Lodge No. 800 A.F.& A.M., Chicago, IL, USA
"I don't like to sound egotistical, but every time I stepped up to the
plate with a bat in my hands, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the pitcher."
- Bro. Rogers Hornsby
Baseball Great
Beacon Lodge No. 3 A.F.& A.M., St. Louis, MO, USA
"Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals."
- Bro. & Dr. James Naismith
Inventor of Basketball
Roswell Lee Lodge A.F.& A.M., Springfield, MA, USA
"I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser."
- Bro. Arnold Palmer
Golf Legend
Loyalhanna Lodge No. 275 F.& A.M., Latrobe, PA, USA
"I don't like the subtle infiltration of 'something for nothing' philosophies
into the very hearthstone of the American family. I believe that 'Thou shalt
earn the bread by the sweat of thy face' was a benediction and not a penalty.
Work is the zest of life; there is joy in its pursuit."
- Bro. Branch Rickey
Baseball Legend
Tuscan Lodge No. 360 A.F.& A.M., St. Louis, MO, USA
"I've always believed that you can think positive just as well as you can
think negative."
- Bro. Sugar Ray Robinson
Boxing Champion
Joppa Lodge No. 55 PHA, New York, NY, USA
QUOTATIONS FROM FAMOUS MASONS REGARDING POLITICS & GOVERNMENT
"I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities
he excites among his opponents."
"I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is
like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the
handle."
- Bro. Winston S. Churchill
Former Prime Minister of Great Britain
Rosemary Lodge 2851 and Studholme Lodge No. 1591, UK
"Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of
Congress. But I repeat myself..."
"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature
is in session."
"It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no
distinctly American criminal class except Congress."
- Bro. Samuel L. Clemens (Mark Twain)
Writer
Polar Star Lodge No. 79 A.F.& A.M., St. Louis, MO, USA
"As long as there are only three to four people on the floor, the country
is in good hands. It's only when you have 50 to 60 in the Senate that you
want to be concerned."
"If you're hanging around with nothing to do and the zoo is closed, come
over to the Senate. You'll get the same kind of feeling and you won't
have to pay."
- Bro. Bob Dole
Former U.S. Senator & Presidential Candidate
Russell Lodge No. 177 A.F.& A.M., Kansas, USA
"If the government is big enough to give you everything you want, it is big
enough to take away everything you have."
- Bro. Gerald R. Ford
38th President of the United States
Malta Lodge No. 465 F.& A.M., Grand Rapids, MI, USA
"History has to judge every man who served. I don't know how they're going to
treat me. I may be the worst S.O.B. that ever came down the pike. But I won't
lose any sleep over it. I just like to be remembered as an honest person who tried."
- Bro. Barry Goldwater
Former U.S. Senator & Presidential Candidate
Arizona Lodge No. 2 F.& A.M., Phoenix, AZ, USA
"I will not deny that there are men in the district better qualified than I to go
to Congress, but gentlemen, these men are not in the race."
- Bro. Sam Rayburn
Former Speaker of the House
Constantine Lodge No. 13 A.F.& A.M., Bonham, TX, USA
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
- Bro. Will Rogers
Humorist
Claremore Lodge No. 53 A.F.& A.M, Oklahoma, USA
(renamed Will Rogers Lodge No. 53 in 1979)
"In politics, nothing happens by accident. If it happens, you can bet it was planned that way."
- Bro. Franklin D. Roosevelt
32nd President of the United States
Holland Lodge No. 8 F.& A.M., New York, NY, USA
"When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to
answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty'."
- Bro. Theodore Roosevelt
26th President of the United States
Matinecock Lodge No. 806 F.& A.M., Oyster Bay, NY, USA
"A politician is a man who understands government and it takes a politician
to run a government. A statesman is a politician who's been dead ten or fifteen years."
- Bro. Harry S. Truman
33rd President of the United States
Belton Lodge No. 450 A.F.& A.M., MO, USA
"In general, the art of government consists in taking as much
money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the
other."
- Bro. Voltaire
Writer
Lodge of the Nine Sisters (Lodge Les Neuf Soeurs), Paris, France
Keep the Faith!
NOTE: The opinions expressed in this essay are my own and do not necessarily represent
the views or opinions of any Grand Masonic jurisdiction or any other Masonic related body.
As with all of my Masonic articles herein, please feel free to reuse them in Masonic
publications or re-post them on Masonic web sites (except Florida).
When doing so, please add the following:
Article reprinted with permission of the author.
Please forward me a copy of the publication when it is produced.
To receive notices of Tim's writings, subscribe to his private Discussion Group at:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/timbryce/
You can also "tune in" to Bro. Tim's audio podcasts at the "Lodgeroom International" (UK):
http://podcast.lodgeroominternational.com/
Also be sure to check out Tim's "Pet Peeve of the Week" (non-Masonic related) at:
http://www.phmainstreet.com/timbryce.htm
Copyright (c) 2008 by Tim Bryce. All rights reserved.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Greatest Tresure of all
Being poor, and without the ones you love, tends to bring things into a perspective. In this case materialism, somthing I never realized how much I was into.
Always working, and buying, things things, and more things. What hole was I trying to fill,in retrospect it must have been more than just an empty spot on a shelf,
or a toolbox. Now , I have had to place monetary values on everything around me, and done away with much of it. This stuff of which I speak used to be what I would call my material treasures. Also things like arrowheads, and fossils I had found, I placed so much valueon them, still do kinda. I am also very proud of anything that I have from my family's past, heirlooms(sp) always wondering why nothing in my family from either side had been passed down, always wondering where my treasure was.
Then I found it. Like lost relics from an extinct civilation, stuff I had once looked at and used as decoration, valued to be sure, but never before seen as being more valuable than gold, or palladium or diamonds.
What I speak of specifically now, sits right here with me, and would be lucky to get .25 cents at a yard sale, in fact some of it is lucky to not have been broken.
I am looking now on two pieces of clay artwork made one by each of my children. A shoe, made by my daughter, and somthing that resembles an ashtry, probrably a jewry holder made by my son. They were not even made for me, or were they? I , not having them , not bieng able to touch , hear and love them because of divorce, now see all kinds of things around me that are worth more than any artifact in any egyptian tomb anywhere. It kind of makes me sorry for the people in those tombs, surely back then, gold was more like clay, just something they could work, and many artifacts are in fact clay, or paintings, or other trinkets that we study and analyze and wonder why they would be put in a grave. Most of the time the archiologist put the artifacts as being valued by the people who loved the dead, or something they would need in the afterlife. I wonder if that helps them take the things. Has anyone thought that maybe the things were the most important to the dead one, the owner.
Now I am not dead, and hope not to be anytime soon, but back to the subject, I have here a tiny shoe, no a moccasin, made of white clay, and intricately detailed with laces, stich patterns, blue , green, yellow paint. Somthing that I can hold and feel the imprints of my childrens fingers, burned now forever into it. I know they made them for thier parents also, so I know the love, and pride they had are burnt into them as well. They must have been smiling as they showed them to us the first time, waiting for that smile, approval from thier paerents.
These are the most valuable things I posses in this world. Take everything I have, leave me with the clothes on my back, and only let me take one bag from here with me, and it will be filled with these treasures from my wife and childfren. Things to be sure, not even close to relationships, or them, but if I were a pharoh, if I were a king, these are the most important and valuable items I hae ever gazed at, much less had.
Knowone can buy them, knowone can make another, they are truelly priceless to me, I like to feel them, and remember, somehow hoping that the love I have in my heart is sent through them to the ones who made them.
I dont have many things my wife made, I ate all the good stuff. But as wierd as it sounds, I have two steaks , the only meat in my freezer, that she wrapped. Even though I would never eat them, every time I open the freezer, I know she was here.
People, value the ones around you, the ones who if they were not around, you would keep anything they had touched, anything. If I had known how to show that love thats allways been there, but taken for granted, I have to think maybe they mught still be here.
I love you, Kirsten, Justin, Carol. I hate even writng the names , because I have to choose an order, and thier is none, Just a love, and an ache in my soul that I cannot describe.
Well back to my artifacts, I think maybe if I rub them enough, maybe a cloud of smoke will appear and puff!! They will be back!!
Stupid huh.
Always working, and buying, things things, and more things. What hole was I trying to fill,in retrospect it must have been more than just an empty spot on a shelf,
or a toolbox. Now , I have had to place monetary values on everything around me, and done away with much of it. This stuff of which I speak used to be what I would call my material treasures. Also things like arrowheads, and fossils I had found, I placed so much valueon them, still do kinda. I am also very proud of anything that I have from my family's past, heirlooms(sp) always wondering why nothing in my family from either side had been passed down, always wondering where my treasure was.
Then I found it. Like lost relics from an extinct civilation, stuff I had once looked at and used as decoration, valued to be sure, but never before seen as being more valuable than gold, or palladium or diamonds.
What I speak of specifically now, sits right here with me, and would be lucky to get .25 cents at a yard sale, in fact some of it is lucky to not have been broken.
I am looking now on two pieces of clay artwork made one by each of my children. A shoe, made by my daughter, and somthing that resembles an ashtry, probrably a jewry holder made by my son. They were not even made for me, or were they? I , not having them , not bieng able to touch , hear and love them because of divorce, now see all kinds of things around me that are worth more than any artifact in any egyptian tomb anywhere. It kind of makes me sorry for the people in those tombs, surely back then, gold was more like clay, just something they could work, and many artifacts are in fact clay, or paintings, or other trinkets that we study and analyze and wonder why they would be put in a grave. Most of the time the archiologist put the artifacts as being valued by the people who loved the dead, or something they would need in the afterlife. I wonder if that helps them take the things. Has anyone thought that maybe the things were the most important to the dead one, the owner.
Now I am not dead, and hope not to be anytime soon, but back to the subject, I have here a tiny shoe, no a moccasin, made of white clay, and intricately detailed with laces, stich patterns, blue , green, yellow paint. Somthing that I can hold and feel the imprints of my childrens fingers, burned now forever into it. I know they made them for thier parents also, so I know the love, and pride they had are burnt into them as well. They must have been smiling as they showed them to us the first time, waiting for that smile, approval from thier paerents.
These are the most valuable things I posses in this world. Take everything I have, leave me with the clothes on my back, and only let me take one bag from here with me, and it will be filled with these treasures from my wife and childfren. Things to be sure, not even close to relationships, or them, but if I were a pharoh, if I were a king, these are the most important and valuable items I hae ever gazed at, much less had.
Knowone can buy them, knowone can make another, they are truelly priceless to me, I like to feel them, and remember, somehow hoping that the love I have in my heart is sent through them to the ones who made them.
I dont have many things my wife made, I ate all the good stuff. But as wierd as it sounds, I have two steaks , the only meat in my freezer, that she wrapped. Even though I would never eat them, every time I open the freezer, I know she was here.
People, value the ones around you, the ones who if they were not around, you would keep anything they had touched, anything. If I had known how to show that love thats allways been there, but taken for granted, I have to think maybe they mught still be here.
I love you, Kirsten, Justin, Carol. I hate even writng the names , because I have to choose an order, and thier is none, Just a love, and an ache in my soul that I cannot describe.
Well back to my artifacts, I think maybe if I rub them enough, maybe a cloud of smoke will appear and puff!! They will be back!!
Stupid huh.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
THE BADGE OF A MASON
T H E L A M B S K I N APRON
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
It is not ornamental; its cost is not great,
There are things far more useful, yet truly I state
That of all my possessions none can compare
With the White Leather Apron, that all Masons wear.
As a young lad I wondered, just what it all meant,
When Dad hustled around, and so much time was spent
In shaving and dressing and looking just right.
Until Mother would say, it’s the Masons tonight.
Sometimes Mother would say, “Dad what makes you go,
Way up there tonight, through the sleet and snow;
You see the same things each night of the year.”
And then Dad would say, “Yes, I know my dear;
Each time I see the same things, it is true,
Though they be old, they always seem new,
For each hand that I clasp, each friend that I greet
Seem just a little closer, each time that we meet.
Years later I stood at that very same door,
With good men and true, who had entered before,
Kneeled at the Altar, and there I was taught.
That Virtue and Honor can never be bought.
That there on the level, men meet and abide.
That wealth and position, is all cast aside.
So Honor the Lambskin, and may it remain,
Forever, untarnished, and free from all stain.
So that when we are called to the Grand Architect’s Love
We will meet him up there, in that Grand Lodge above.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN
It is not ornamental; its cost is not great,
There are things far more useful, yet truly I state
That of all my possessions none can compare
With the White Leather Apron, that all Masons wear.
As a young lad I wondered, just what it all meant,
When Dad hustled around, and so much time was spent
In shaving and dressing and looking just right.
Until Mother would say, it’s the Masons tonight.
Sometimes Mother would say, “Dad what makes you go,
Way up there tonight, through the sleet and snow;
You see the same things each night of the year.”
And then Dad would say, “Yes, I know my dear;
Each time I see the same things, it is true,
Though they be old, they always seem new,
For each hand that I clasp, each friend that I greet
Seem just a little closer, each time that we meet.
Years later I stood at that very same door,
With good men and true, who had entered before,
Kneeled at the Altar, and there I was taught.
That Virtue and Honor can never be bought.
That there on the level, men meet and abide.
That wealth and position, is all cast aside.
So Honor the Lambskin, and may it remain,
Forever, untarnished, and free from all stain.
So that when we are called to the Grand Architect’s Love
We will meet him up there, in that Grand Lodge above.
Thomas S. Elliot – Choruses from:. “The Rock”)
In the vacant places
We will build with new bricks
Where the bricks are fallen
We will build with new stone
Where the beams are rotten
We will build with new timbers
Where the word is unspoken
We will build with new speech
There is work together
A Church for all
And a job for each
Every man to his work
We will build with new bricks
Where the bricks are fallen
We will build with new stone
Where the beams are rotten
We will build with new timbers
Where the word is unspoken
We will build with new speech
There is work together
A Church for all
And a job for each
Every man to his work
Worthless and Disturbed by whos measure?
I know you think I am crazy. For sometime now I have thought so to, and wondered what was to become of me now. It has takenme a long time to be able to focus and understand what the last few years of my life mean, why the went down the way they did, was I just a failure, did god not like me, am I as bad a person as everyone thinks I am?
You see I have not been sitting here, punishing myself for nothing, nor refusing to move on withmy life out of revenge or spite towards you. I wonder what my life, I want to live life, just as much as you do. The problem I came to, the realization, was that if I had to start over from scratch, start over without the people who were the cornerstone of my own being, I am going to make it a planned start, a start towards something significant, something I will look back on and know that meant something oneday. It feels now like you have takenthat away from me for the past 15 years. When you leave, and take nothing, take only our children, leaving me behined with all the other pots and pans, I feel like one.
You have and continue to hurt me more than I ever thought possible. I mean I thought Granny hurt me, but she did not even put a dent in me compared to you making me valueless to my children. You have made it a point to show that I am not needed nor wanted to be a part of thier upbringing, I have nothing to offer them as a father. I think this is because of the way you came up, and as you said , you think you were better off without one. You are wrong of course, I have read books now about you, I knew the almost excact percentage of chance that you would move quickly into another relationship, either with someone you worked with, or someone from your past. It is no surprise. Because while you deny your own children a father figure, you are subconsciously in need of one, or the need to feel wanted and appriciated by one yourself. I submit to you that you are passing this on to our kids as well.
So as I have sat here, contemplating the meaning of my life, wondering weather I should just end it, jump back into the rat race to prove to all those that measure my value on how much money I make my worth, I have been searching for a cause , a bigger reason to get up. That reason has nothing to do with money. I have no desire to look sucessful, and lead an empty life, nusy, but empty, meaningless.
See, I know that God has been working in our lives for a long time now. He is the one who has made things go down the way they have. I think you have lost your faith in that, and that is the reason you left your faith and ran, but you have plenty of time to make all that right again whenever you see it, whenever you find u=out that what you ran from, you just found again in another form. Simple existance, happiness in the moment, the path towards a life that will mean nothing more than that you were the mother of two great kids, and hopefully two that do not hate you for what you denied them in your own search for something more. You, we, have always been looking in the wrong place.
You can keep my children from me now for one reason, I allow it. It would be a fairly simple proceedure to have the visitation restored, and force something down your throat.
I however, feel that for you to go to such extremes, to lie about your husband, become an adulterer, you are , well, in a state of mind I simply cant explain, and I choose tolet it run it's course, because God does not want me to return your sin towards me with more sin towards you, that is why I do not fight you. The kids will come to me on there own one day, and there is nothing you nor all the lawers in the world can do to stop it. Time is on my side.
I have been called to something greater than to make money and die, I can not have a value put upon me by a court. I have come to despise the pursuit of money, sucess in this dog eat dog world I know so well now, as a way to prove my self worth to everyone but myself. If I chose that path, enough will never be enough,just like before, because the returns on my efforts were in money, and money is , is ,nothing.
The first time you left me , I made some promises to God that I have not broken, He shown me a shooting star one night then as I prayed in Erins yard in apex.
You wanted me to find Him, and I am not sure you got what you bargained for, I did. Ever since, I admit I have defiled my body, but I have attempted to do good works. I regret that this is what I feel led me to a face down with evil, one you witness, one that scared you, but one I passed. I love people, and I love God and Jesus, no matter the injustice I have witnessed.
I have spoken to others who lost every friend and relative and thier family when they were called, because of the changes they went through, because of sticking to thier word no matter what anyone said or did. "It's scary isn't it" Thats what they say. It also makes you unsure of whether this is God calling you, you think as I have, and still do, why the f? is this happening to me, There must be something wrong with me. No there is something wrong with them. I forgive them, and still love them all, but , I will not backslide in my faith to apease others, the Pharasies.
God planned all this long ago, and I admit, I am mad, have told him so, that he allowed you to choose the path you have, I would give almost anything to have you and ours by my side as we made a real difference for the good in the lives of others. I dont understand why it is not, you have so much to offer, but you seek that which is only temporary, for yourself. I love and pray for you, and the kids.
When I went to the hospital, I thought I needed to be there, but when I got there, I found all these others, blank eyes, no hope, completely defeated by life, not on purpose like myself, but accidently, they did not know, and could not accept that they could overcome. It took me two days to get a bible, and to share it with them. One homeless man, sick, has an ex wife, and grown daughter in Raliegh he has not spoken to in years. I asked him why? He really could not answer me, and then I new, he did not think he was good enough, not beyond redemption. I told him how much , even though I have a father, how much it would mean to me for that father to call me and tell me he wanted a real relationship, wanted to be my friend, Loved me. I gave him a quarter. So see, I have seen what I can become, and I have deliberated suicide, all the while trying to force myself back into some mold that would bring me back into the good graces of you, my family, but one thing about a mold, it forms you into the expectations, the hopes of those who say they love you for who you are, but in a mold, you are not your SHAPE. I ended up ministering to those others in that hospital, when I left, there was a waiting list, or line, for who wanted the Bible next.
As much as it cost me to helpmy grandparents, you were there the day, in Guess Road Baptist, and watched me cry, I did not want to go back to CO ville. But He was gently calling me, telling me I had to. I do not like the experiance, but it was the one he wanted for me. I still do not know why, but I am sure I will find out.
Carol, there are bigger things out there for you too I am sure. Bigger things than you giving stuff to your kids, you give them everything but the example they need from you to pass on to thier kids. I beg you to break the cycle.
We still have several things hanging around here, things that say "as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" I ask you , when did either of us do that? Being present every Sunday and taking notes is not even scratching the surface of service. Go to Dorthea dix, or the nursing home, look into the eyes there, and you will know this.
I don't know exactly where, or how I will serve, but I will. He has shown me things that I would not have seen, experianced or done, had he not wanted me to do things for others, and thats what pleases me.
I love you, in my mind you will always be my wife. I still wear this ring, tried so many times to lay it down, couldn't. We can be apart, you can have a completre other life, several. But it will be unto death do us part as for me. I am no substitue for God by a long shot, but I will be by your side always, and no matter what will love you.
So, I give you everything I have, it is by right yours, and I have no use for any of it now.
Give up your anger at me, the kids allready see it, and eventualy they will blame you, and I do not want that to happen, no matter how far you take them, ailenate them, they will seek me out, and they will know when they find me how much I have had to love them from afar, and I do not want them to resent you for it.
I pray that God opens up the heavans and shines a light on your heart, and shows you your true path, I do not think you are on it.
I pray the same for me, I may become homeless, I may die, I am not scared. I will never love another human like I love you though, thatss somthing you took from me long ago, and can;t give back.
For now.
Do your Kids right and let them see me before I leave. I forgive you if you do not, but will they? Give them an example instead of trying to give them a bunch of experiances you wish you had, you did not have the example nor the experiances, niether did I, but I tell you the example of being Godly, keeping your words and honor, that is what they will tell our granchildren about, pass on, not basketball or football camp.
I wish I were serving you and them still, but it just does not seem in the cards. I am still waiting for my assighnment.
Kay Warren, Rick's wife siad "Am I disturbed?" yes very, she cries her head off every day, in every speach as she describes the injustice in this world she has found, I hope I am disturbed, cause if you are not disturbed at what you see, experiance, and find in the world and in so many's hearts today, There is something wrong with you, not me.
Love
Marcus
You see I have not been sitting here, punishing myself for nothing, nor refusing to move on withmy life out of revenge or spite towards you. I wonder what my life, I want to live life, just as much as you do. The problem I came to, the realization, was that if I had to start over from scratch, start over without the people who were the cornerstone of my own being, I am going to make it a planned start, a start towards something significant, something I will look back on and know that meant something oneday. It feels now like you have takenthat away from me for the past 15 years. When you leave, and take nothing, take only our children, leaving me behined with all the other pots and pans, I feel like one.
You have and continue to hurt me more than I ever thought possible. I mean I thought Granny hurt me, but she did not even put a dent in me compared to you making me valueless to my children. You have made it a point to show that I am not needed nor wanted to be a part of thier upbringing, I have nothing to offer them as a father. I think this is because of the way you came up, and as you said , you think you were better off without one. You are wrong of course, I have read books now about you, I knew the almost excact percentage of chance that you would move quickly into another relationship, either with someone you worked with, or someone from your past. It is no surprise. Because while you deny your own children a father figure, you are subconsciously in need of one, or the need to feel wanted and appriciated by one yourself. I submit to you that you are passing this on to our kids as well.
So as I have sat here, contemplating the meaning of my life, wondering weather I should just end it, jump back into the rat race to prove to all those that measure my value on how much money I make my worth, I have been searching for a cause , a bigger reason to get up. That reason has nothing to do with money. I have no desire to look sucessful, and lead an empty life, nusy, but empty, meaningless.
See, I know that God has been working in our lives for a long time now. He is the one who has made things go down the way they have. I think you have lost your faith in that, and that is the reason you left your faith and ran, but you have plenty of time to make all that right again whenever you see it, whenever you find u=out that what you ran from, you just found again in another form. Simple existance, happiness in the moment, the path towards a life that will mean nothing more than that you were the mother of two great kids, and hopefully two that do not hate you for what you denied them in your own search for something more. You, we, have always been looking in the wrong place.
You can keep my children from me now for one reason, I allow it. It would be a fairly simple proceedure to have the visitation restored, and force something down your throat.
I however, feel that for you to go to such extremes, to lie about your husband, become an adulterer, you are , well, in a state of mind I simply cant explain, and I choose tolet it run it's course, because God does not want me to return your sin towards me with more sin towards you, that is why I do not fight you. The kids will come to me on there own one day, and there is nothing you nor all the lawers in the world can do to stop it. Time is on my side.
I have been called to something greater than to make money and die, I can not have a value put upon me by a court. I have come to despise the pursuit of money, sucess in this dog eat dog world I know so well now, as a way to prove my self worth to everyone but myself. If I chose that path, enough will never be enough,just like before, because the returns on my efforts were in money, and money is , is ,nothing.
The first time you left me , I made some promises to God that I have not broken, He shown me a shooting star one night then as I prayed in Erins yard in apex.
You wanted me to find Him, and I am not sure you got what you bargained for, I did. Ever since, I admit I have defiled my body, but I have attempted to do good works. I regret that this is what I feel led me to a face down with evil, one you witness, one that scared you, but one I passed. I love people, and I love God and Jesus, no matter the injustice I have witnessed.
I have spoken to others who lost every friend and relative and thier family when they were called, because of the changes they went through, because of sticking to thier word no matter what anyone said or did. "It's scary isn't it" Thats what they say. It also makes you unsure of whether this is God calling you, you think as I have, and still do, why the f? is this happening to me, There must be something wrong with me. No there is something wrong with them. I forgive them, and still love them all, but , I will not backslide in my faith to apease others, the Pharasies.
God planned all this long ago, and I admit, I am mad, have told him so, that he allowed you to choose the path you have, I would give almost anything to have you and ours by my side as we made a real difference for the good in the lives of others. I dont understand why it is not, you have so much to offer, but you seek that which is only temporary, for yourself. I love and pray for you, and the kids.
When I went to the hospital, I thought I needed to be there, but when I got there, I found all these others, blank eyes, no hope, completely defeated by life, not on purpose like myself, but accidently, they did not know, and could not accept that they could overcome. It took me two days to get a bible, and to share it with them. One homeless man, sick, has an ex wife, and grown daughter in Raliegh he has not spoken to in years. I asked him why? He really could not answer me, and then I new, he did not think he was good enough, not beyond redemption. I told him how much , even though I have a father, how much it would mean to me for that father to call me and tell me he wanted a real relationship, wanted to be my friend, Loved me. I gave him a quarter. So see, I have seen what I can become, and I have deliberated suicide, all the while trying to force myself back into some mold that would bring me back into the good graces of you, my family, but one thing about a mold, it forms you into the expectations, the hopes of those who say they love you for who you are, but in a mold, you are not your SHAPE. I ended up ministering to those others in that hospital, when I left, there was a waiting list, or line, for who wanted the Bible next.
As much as it cost me to helpmy grandparents, you were there the day, in Guess Road Baptist, and watched me cry, I did not want to go back to CO ville. But He was gently calling me, telling me I had to. I do not like the experiance, but it was the one he wanted for me. I still do not know why, but I am sure I will find out.
Carol, there are bigger things out there for you too I am sure. Bigger things than you giving stuff to your kids, you give them everything but the example they need from you to pass on to thier kids. I beg you to break the cycle.
We still have several things hanging around here, things that say "as for me and my house we will serve the Lord" I ask you , when did either of us do that? Being present every Sunday and taking notes is not even scratching the surface of service. Go to Dorthea dix, or the nursing home, look into the eyes there, and you will know this.
I don't know exactly where, or how I will serve, but I will. He has shown me things that I would not have seen, experianced or done, had he not wanted me to do things for others, and thats what pleases me.
I love you, in my mind you will always be my wife. I still wear this ring, tried so many times to lay it down, couldn't. We can be apart, you can have a completre other life, several. But it will be unto death do us part as for me. I am no substitue for God by a long shot, but I will be by your side always, and no matter what will love you.
So, I give you everything I have, it is by right yours, and I have no use for any of it now.
Give up your anger at me, the kids allready see it, and eventualy they will blame you, and I do not want that to happen, no matter how far you take them, ailenate them, they will seek me out, and they will know when they find me how much I have had to love them from afar, and I do not want them to resent you for it.
I pray that God opens up the heavans and shines a light on your heart, and shows you your true path, I do not think you are on it.
I pray the same for me, I may become homeless, I may die, I am not scared. I will never love another human like I love you though, thatss somthing you took from me long ago, and can;t give back.
For now.
Do your Kids right and let them see me before I leave. I forgive you if you do not, but will they? Give them an example instead of trying to give them a bunch of experiances you wish you had, you did not have the example nor the experiances, niether did I, but I tell you the example of being Godly, keeping your words and honor, that is what they will tell our granchildren about, pass on, not basketball or football camp.
I wish I were serving you and them still, but it just does not seem in the cards. I am still waiting for my assighnment.
Kay Warren, Rick's wife siad "Am I disturbed?" yes very, she cries her head off every day, in every speach as she describes the injustice in this world she has found, I hope I am disturbed, cause if you are not disturbed at what you see, experiance, and find in the world and in so many's hearts today, There is something wrong with you, not me.
Love
Marcus
Friday, January 25, 2008
Letter Two- the best days, just listed, stories later
2:) The day Kirsten was born!
3:) The day Justin was Born!
4:) Every birthday your mom called me.
5:) My first Kiss
6:) My wedding day.
7:) The trip we took up the lake on the boat one summer.
8:) Watching you sleep.
9:) Sleeping with mom.
10:) Memory of
3:) The day Justin was Born!
4:) Every birthday your mom called me.
5:) My first Kiss
6:) My wedding day.
7:) The trip we took up the lake on the boat one summer.
8:) Watching you sleep.
9:) Sleeping with mom.
10:) Memory of
Letter one
Dear Kids:
This is the first of a few letters I am writhing in January 2008, I am 37 years old. I am a big history buff, I have always wanted to know more than I do about my ancestors, who they were, what they did, my family history. As I have grown older though I would really just love to have from them what I am going to try to give to you here, and thats a few lists, a few events, a few thoughts, that I can leave with you, and hopefully you will take care of and can pass on to your children in time.
You are both too young right now to see these, I can't be 100% true and make these so that you can at the ages you are now, and I don't want to leave out any of the good, or important stuff that I want to pass on to you. Just know that what I am trying to do here is to leave you with somethings more valuable than any money, estate keepsake, or anything you can touch. I am just trying to leave you an impression of myself, what I hold as good, important ideals, and the best momentsa of my life, the best stories I would be telling you as you grew up if I were there, and above all you must know that I love you so much that I just ; as selfish as it may seem, as stupid and chicken as I know I am being, I love you so much, and my mind is just broken enough that I don't think I can go on much longer without you. Every second right now is torture, knowing you are so close, yet out of reach, allready having grown apart from me, and there is nothing I can do about it without hurting someone I will never hurt, and thats your mother, the love of my life.
When they make things out of metal, they take the ore out of the ground and mix it with other minerals and come up with a mixture they heat up until it melts into liquid, while it is in this state it can be poured from one shaped container to another, and like any other liquid it will take the shape of the container into which it is poured, after awhile though the metal will start to cool, and whatever container it is in is what shape the metal will be when it is made. The containers are called cast's. Well, the example here is that I am metal, when I was young and liquid, I was poured into a cast that made me a shape that I only find usefull and fullfiling when I was with your mother and you, like a wrench, made for a certain type bolt, if they stop making the bolts, the wrench isn't much good anymore. It has to be melted down and re-cast into something else to have a purpose. I have not figured out how to re-cast myself, and although I know what I feel I want right now, to make my life significant, I can't take the heat, it's burning me up, and it hurts.
There have been many good and special days in my life. There have been many bad and sorrow filled days as well. I don't know why things are turning out the way they are, but I do believe in God, and have asked Jesus to save me and grant me safe passage into heavan. I hope and believe he will do this for me, as I have asked for forgiveness for everything I have done, and will do. I believe my soul, and yours are eternal, I just hope that there is no pain, or hurts on the other side like there have been for me, and as I explain, I hope you will see that You ARE NOT ME, and should never think that your path through life should in any way resemble mine.
The best days of my life: not in order of importance.
1.) The day I met your mother. Both of our parents were divorced, and I thihnk I was twelve or thirteen, and your mother, well you can figure. Our mothers, both knew a Woman that was the mother of your mom's best friend, Terii Painter. They had become members of a divorce support group, parents without partners. I was a rebel, hated my mom and dad for splitting up, hell, maybe I hated myself, but I do remember that I was allot like Kirsten at that age, and really could care less if I didn't do anything but Read books all day.
I did not want to go to this parents without partners thing, and refused to take a shower, or get dressed up for it, I remember I had a greasey hairdoo, and I thinkI was wearing my black leather jacket. My mom forced me to go, so I did, and was my normally shy and introverted self, I remember it was at an apartment complex, and I remember armwrestling and stuff like that, but what I remember most was that I walked outside, wanting to be alone, and I can still picture in my minds eye, turning around and seeing your mom following me down the sidewalk, she liked boys, I had never liked girls...or had a girlfriend anyway. I can still see her, her hair was jet black, and was down below her shoulders, so pretty I dont even remember anything else. She paid attention to me, that was all that mattered, and I felt special.
This is the first of a few letters I am writhing in January 2008, I am 37 years old. I am a big history buff, I have always wanted to know more than I do about my ancestors, who they were, what they did, my family history. As I have grown older though I would really just love to have from them what I am going to try to give to you here, and thats a few lists, a few events, a few thoughts, that I can leave with you, and hopefully you will take care of and can pass on to your children in time.
You are both too young right now to see these, I can't be 100% true and make these so that you can at the ages you are now, and I don't want to leave out any of the good, or important stuff that I want to pass on to you. Just know that what I am trying to do here is to leave you with somethings more valuable than any money, estate keepsake, or anything you can touch. I am just trying to leave you an impression of myself, what I hold as good, important ideals, and the best momentsa of my life, the best stories I would be telling you as you grew up if I were there, and above all you must know that I love you so much that I just ; as selfish as it may seem, as stupid and chicken as I know I am being, I love you so much, and my mind is just broken enough that I don't think I can go on much longer without you. Every second right now is torture, knowing you are so close, yet out of reach, allready having grown apart from me, and there is nothing I can do about it without hurting someone I will never hurt, and thats your mother, the love of my life.
When they make things out of metal, they take the ore out of the ground and mix it with other minerals and come up with a mixture they heat up until it melts into liquid, while it is in this state it can be poured from one shaped container to another, and like any other liquid it will take the shape of the container into which it is poured, after awhile though the metal will start to cool, and whatever container it is in is what shape the metal will be when it is made. The containers are called cast's. Well, the example here is that I am metal, when I was young and liquid, I was poured into a cast that made me a shape that I only find usefull and fullfiling when I was with your mother and you, like a wrench, made for a certain type bolt, if they stop making the bolts, the wrench isn't much good anymore. It has to be melted down and re-cast into something else to have a purpose. I have not figured out how to re-cast myself, and although I know what I feel I want right now, to make my life significant, I can't take the heat, it's burning me up, and it hurts.
There have been many good and special days in my life. There have been many bad and sorrow filled days as well. I don't know why things are turning out the way they are, but I do believe in God, and have asked Jesus to save me and grant me safe passage into heavan. I hope and believe he will do this for me, as I have asked for forgiveness for everything I have done, and will do. I believe my soul, and yours are eternal, I just hope that there is no pain, or hurts on the other side like there have been for me, and as I explain, I hope you will see that You ARE NOT ME, and should never think that your path through life should in any way resemble mine.
The best days of my life: not in order of importance.
1.) The day I met your mother. Both of our parents were divorced, and I thihnk I was twelve or thirteen, and your mother, well you can figure. Our mothers, both knew a Woman that was the mother of your mom's best friend, Terii Painter. They had become members of a divorce support group, parents without partners. I was a rebel, hated my mom and dad for splitting up, hell, maybe I hated myself, but I do remember that I was allot like Kirsten at that age, and really could care less if I didn't do anything but Read books all day.
I did not want to go to this parents without partners thing, and refused to take a shower, or get dressed up for it, I remember I had a greasey hairdoo, and I thinkI was wearing my black leather jacket. My mom forced me to go, so I did, and was my normally shy and introverted self, I remember it was at an apartment complex, and I remember armwrestling and stuff like that, but what I remember most was that I walked outside, wanting to be alone, and I can still picture in my minds eye, turning around and seeing your mom following me down the sidewalk, she liked boys, I had never liked girls...or had a girlfriend anyway. I can still see her, her hair was jet black, and was down below her shoulders, so pretty I dont even remember anything else. She paid attention to me, that was all that mattered, and I felt special.
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